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When You Are the One to End It
- DON'T accept the "bad guy" label (both people lose when it's
over).
- DO talk about it as a mutual decision ("It's right for both of
us") so the rejected party doesn't feel so out of control.
- DO be respectful, giving the other person the opportunity to work
through feelings.
- DO reaffirm that there was something good between you, (The "dumpee"
often feels invalidated, as if her feelings over mattered or weren't real. She
may need reassurance that the relationship was real, and that she really was
cared for).
- DO remind the dumpee of wonderful aspects of himself (to boost his
self-esteem).
- DO point out your own resistance and responsibility ("I'm not ready
for a commitment," "I can't be true to someone yet"). The "dumpee"
may try to reassure you, but stick to your guns and say "You deserve
better." This may help prevent her self-blame and depression.
- DO spell out the terms of the separation clearly (We shouldn't call each
other") so that there is no room for misunderstanding.
- DO be firm. If you leave the door open even a crack, you are inviting
the dumpee to try to change your mind.
REMEMBER THE GOLDEN RULE: "Do unto others as you would have others do
unto you." This is a good time to put that rule into action.
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