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When You Are the One to End It
Most of us know what it feels like to be dumped: the pain, humiliation,
anger, and hurt. But the time may also come when you must do the dumping. Is it
possible to minimize the other person's pain? Are there rules that govern
breaking up?
Consider this scenario. As Paul described, "I've been dating Jill for a
few months, and I really like her-- as a friend. I recently met a woman I feel
passionately about. Jill is terrific, and I know she loves me. What can I say or
do to let her down easy?" If you have ever been on the other side of the
fence, like Paul, you will probably be sensitive to the following
"Do's" and "Don'ts" for breaking up with someone:
- DON'T break up over the phone (too impersonal).
- DON'T break up before a major holiday, anniversary, or any day important
to the "dumpee" or the two of you (birthday, anniversary, Valentine's
Day, Christmas, death of a parent)-- an otherwise happy day will be tinged with
pain, or an already painful day will become more unbearable.
- DON'T criticize or blame the person for what he may or may not have
done.
- DON'T use one of the "Frightful Five" blow-offs, like "I
love you, but I'm not in love with you" or "I never really
loved you." These words tend to linger painfully.
- DON'T get wrangled by guilt into changing your mind.
- DON'T hit below the belt, with phrases like "I just don't find you
very stimulating" or "You were awful in bed."
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