Ideas for Subsequent Dates

Think of subsequent dates building on the experience of the second date. They should also fulfill certain purposes. As a review:

1. You will want to get a truer and fuller sense of togetherness and see how you work together as a team.
2. You will want to learn even more about how you both deal with different situations.
3. You will want to test how you make decisions together.
4. You will want to know even more about how you handle real-life situations that come up when people are together over a long period of time. That includes how you deal with work situations, other people, health crises, and particularly family obligations and relationships.

With those purposes in mind, consider these suggestions:

• Instead of cooking for the other person, consider cooking together. It can be a wonderful experience of togetherness to share the preparations.
  
  
• Include food shopping together for making the meal at home. It can be great fun to select what's on the menu.
  
  

• Host a dinner party. Share the above responsibilities and prepare for their guests. The sense of togetherness will be heightened as you work as a team for others.
  
  
•   Do laundry or errands together on a Sunday afternoon.
  
  
• Make a social visit to family. Go together on a family picnic, take your parents out to dinner, or simply visit your grandmother on a Sunday.
  
   
• Go to a wedding together.
  
  
• Visit an aunt or grandparent in a nursing home or retirement village, to get a sense of how you each deal with aging.
  
  
• Visit a friend who has just had a baby.
  
  
• Visit a sick family member.
• Ask him to drive you to your doctor's appointment or to wait in the waiting room (or even to go in with you if you are anxious about your visit, and already trust him).
  
  
• Attend religious services.
  
  
• Attend a funeral.
  
  

• Spend a Saturday afternoon volunteering together (taking a homeless child to a park or working at a soup kitchen).

• Go shopping together. Men traditionally don't like shopping, but they do have to do it some time or another. Choose something that he needs or enjoys, such as even shopping for a new computer. Consider window-shopping, even if you are not prepared to buy right now.
  
• Watch a video at home together. While I know this can be a popular suggestion for initial dates, I suggest saving that for later dates, because just coming over can imply some pressure about intimacy and trigger feelings (however unfounded) about not being "taken out and treated."
  
  
• Enroll in a class together. Learn drumming, dancing the tango, wine tasting, or computer skills. This will extend the contact you have together and imply to each other that you really want to make this an ongoing relationship.
  
  
• Get a massage together.
  
  
• Plan a short overnight trip. This can involve some activity (antiquing) or a sport (such as skiing, which involves preparation and time).
  
  
• Take a self-improvement course.
  
  
• Take him/her along on a convention trip.

 

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