|
THE PITFALLS OF CONVERSATION
You might be good at small talk, but still face certain pitfalls. To refine
your technique and really be good at capturing -- and keeping -- someone's
attention, keep in mind the following.
Rambling
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and you feel like you can
put down the phone, or even walk a way, and they would still be talking and
wouldn't know the difference? That happens when feel you are being talked
"at" instead of being talked "with." Talking "at"
people comes from chattering on about yourself without being connected to the
person who is listening. They key is to engage the other person in what you are
saying so she feels involved. You can prevent doing this with certain
techniques:
- Hesitate while you are talking to give your date space to jump in and
react.
- Stop after talking awhile and ask a question that involves your date.
You can ask for this opinion ("What do you think about that?") or her
understand ("Do you know what I mean?") or empathy ("Can you
imagine how that feels?"). If you are ready to turn the attention to your
date, you can ask about a related experience ("Has anything like that ever
happened to you?").
- Use your date's name every now and then to let her know you know to whom
you are talking.
- Tune in to yourself. If you ever get the sense that you are rambling on
and on and that your voice is droning, stop talking and give the other person a
chance to speak.
- Ask for feedback. Ask directly if he is interested in whatever you are
talking about, or if he wants to change the subject.
- Avoid talking endlessly and hogging the conversation. Instead, toss the
ball to your date, eliciting a response and listening attentively. If you have a
tendency to go on and on, develop a sense of timing, or purposefully set a limit
for yourself. Sound bites ( a quote from a person) on a network news show can be
as short as eight seconds. A talk show host usually will let a person have his
say for no more than two minutes before making some other comment -- no matter
how interesting the information. A late-night comic's routine may go for three
minutes, but it is punctuated with audience responses. As a radio professional,
I know it is best to make a point in only up to a minute. Even President
Clinton's radio address in the Oval Office was under five minutes because he
noticed that stations carried his report only when it ran that short length of
time. Especially in the age of MTV-quick images, the average attention span has
shortened, so make you point quickly and clearly.
|
Search
Cyber00