When Your Ex Refuses to Get the Message

You think you've done all the right things. You've leveled with your ex, telling her that your heart isn't in this relationship, and that it's over. But what if she refuses to get the message? Is it possible that you're sending the wrong signal?

Some people become obsessed when rejected. For instance, John's girlfriend continued to call, sometimes five times a day, for months after they broke up. When he didn't return her calls, she would show up at his house. John asked, "How do I get her off my back? I feel like joining the witness protection program."

It is very disturbing, and often frightening, to be pursued obsessively. Clearly, the woman's attachment to John went far deeper than their actual relationship, probably mirroring something in her family. Such an obsessive lover needs to be told she is a good person and cared for, but that your closeness is over, and that pursuing you is not acceptable. Insist that she get counseling. If such behavior persists, go to the police for an order of protection.

Be firm. Don't give in and get back together because of feelings of guilt. Any inconsistency in your behavior will be interpreted as a sign that you don't really want out.