How Important Is Sex?

Every couple has to decide how important sexual compatibility is in the relationship. Lust and passion does tend to cool over time, and it often takes considerable effort to "keep the fires burning."

Face your sex problems head-on. Do you have different sex drives, a sexual problem (such as premature ejaculation or inability or orgasm), or different preferences for positions, acts, or fantasies? Are you willing to work on the sexual aspect of your relationship? If not, then your should probably consider letting the relationship go. Sex doesn't have to be a top priority in your relationship but if sex problems are driving you apart or posing you to infidelity, then there are issues to be addressed.

Finally, examine your dating history. Do you have a pattern of sexual problems with partners? Is there a specific problem that keeps recurring? Are you choosing relationships that bring out this problem? Since sex is so personal, problems in that area can be a smokescreen for other troubles, such as fear of intimacy or commitment.

Many people take a lover's sexual problem personally . For example, when a man is having reaction problems, the woman may feel it's her fault, that she's not attractive enough. Or if a woman is having problems with orgasm, the man may feel inadequate as a lover. Self-reproach or blame only makes the situation worse.