Who Makes the First Move?

More men today are relieved when a woman takes the initiative in sex because it  takes the pressure off them to always advance or perform. But men can also be little intimidated by sexually aggressive female. Tony was divorced four years ago and now is back in the dating game. " Are women really this fast now?" he asked. "I like candlelit dinners, and they seem to want to get right to it!" At the end of Tony's date, the girl said outright she's like to have sex. "I was so bowled over by such a bold female," he admitted, "that I was really worried about whether I could get it up for her."

While it may make you feel uncomfortable to know sex is expected of you on a date, not being approached can leave you feeling undesirable, frustrated, or confused. Cybil dated Howard six times but complained, "He was a perfect gentleman, but I was jumping out of my skin, wanting him to do something. I was wondering if he was gay, strange, or impotent and what was wrong with me." Courtney also complained, "I've been seeing this guy for three months and he's only kissed me. I can't help feeling he doesn't want me. I also don't want to be the one who does everything first. What's up?" Find out from him whether he is shy, inexperienced, or afraid of getting hurt. Explain that you feel uncomfortable being the initiator (but don't fall into sex-role stereotypes of expecting the man to make all the first moves).

If someone doesn't make a move, don't immediately assume you're not attractive enough. Find out what else is going on with that person (another relationship, inexperience, fear of rejection, embarrassment about themselves, their body, sex). Take a risk and state your own interest. 

Cybil did the right thing. On her next date with Howard, she was open with him and said, "I've really enjoyed being with you, and I wonder why we haven't kissed because we've had a great time, and I wanted to kiss you." Thankfully, Howard was willing to be equally honest. He explained that he was afraid of making moves too quickly and that Cybil might consider him too forward. Howard's openness about his fear, and Cybil's reassurance, were just the right triggers to give them permission for their first kiss.