Turning Friends into Lovers

"I like this person but how do I make him/her my boyfriend without ruining the friendship?"

Friendship is the best basis for love. So I find it charming when people ask me how they can change a friendship into a romance. It can be tricky -- you have to be willing to take risk that might put your relationship in jeopardy. Most people who admit they want something more would rather stay friends than risk losing what they have. But keep in mind that becoming romantic may not ruin the friendship; if you take the risk and your friend responds positively, it will strengthen it. And if your friend does not reciprocate your feelings, at least your know where you stand and can direct your energies elsewhere. Of course, it's up to you to gauge whether the potential rewards are worth the gamble -- but I'd recommend going for it.

It can be tough to broach the subject of attraction with your friend, especially if you fear that your feelings are not going to be reciprocated. Remember the saying, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Talk your feelings over, sharing your mutual expectations and fears. You could have the happiest experience of your life. One man posed the change this way. He told his friend: "Our friendship is over," and then, after a pregnant pause during which she was confused and nervous, he added, " Now, let's try being more than friends."

Lee, has an inspiring story about turning a friend into a lover. She had been hanging out with a guy, shooting pool, watching videos, and hiking, for six months until one day while riding on a bus home from the movies, he leaned over after a stall in the conversation, took her face in his hands, and kissed her softly. her reaction was, "Oh my God," as he explained, "I've been wanting to do that for a really long time," to which she teased encouragingly, "Well, are you going to do it again?" His next kiss was deep and months later he proposed. "The friendship was what made me love him," Lee said, " because I learned I could really trust this guy and could tell him anything."

If it looks like you can't turn the friendship into love, it's up to you to control your longing, to keep the friendship close, but not intimate. As with any unrequited love or impossible situation, don't waste your energy wishing or hoping. Julie said, " I have strong feelings for a friend and I know nothing is going to happen between us but every time I see him with another woman, I get jealous. how can I overcome this feeling?" As soon as the feeling overtakes you, switch your mind to planning or doing something for yourself. Focus on finding someone who can be both friend and lover. Figure out what you like about your friend and be open to someone else who possesses those qualities.